Category : Family Law Blog

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Posted:
April 17, 2013
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Co-parenting – artificial insemination at home

Co-parenting – artificial insemination at home

Co-parenting / shared parenting is wonderful when it works.

Whether you are the child’s legal parent is determined based on how, when and where the insemination took place.

Going through artificial insemination at home is not a difficult process when you have found a sperm donor.  It is easy to get lost in the excitement and not think about the boring legal bit.

I have created a step-by-step guide.  In this order:-

  1. Think about how you wish to create a family.  It may be that one of you will go through an artificial insemination at home with a sperm donor or, go through an artificial insemination at a clinic. You may decide that one of you donates eggs to create an embryo with a sperm donor using IVF procedures and the other will carry the child.
  2. Decide who will be the legal parents of the child and take legal advice on how to make sure that this happens.   If you have a known sperm donor, you need to agree what role each of you will play in the child’s life.  More than two adults can have legal responsibility for a child.   If you do not want the donor to become the legal father of the child, you need to get legal advice to ensure that he does not become the legal father by default.
  3. Get a co-parenting agreement and secure legal advice before signing it.
  4. Start the artificial insemination process.

It is no coincidence that the co-parenting cases we read about are ones where none of the parties had legal advice before the insemination.

Bohemia Law likes….several agencies that may assist http://bohemialaw.co.uk/links/

For advice on co-parenting and artificial insemination at home contact  us on 01727 884688 or e-mail harjit@bestsolicitorsllp.co.uk.

Best regards

Harjit Sarang

Family Law Blog General Residence Order Same Sex Parenting Surrogacy
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Posted:
February 13, 2013
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Gay and lesbian parenting

Lesbian and gay couples have been creating families for some time now.

Lesbian couples will use known or anonymous sperm donors and gay couples will go through surrogacy arrangements. As part of the wider movement towards eliminating discrimination towards same sex individuals / couples, the law is playing catch up.

We have seen success recently with the first reading of the Equal / Same sex marriage Bill at the House of Commons and now judgements are being delivered to acknowledge and protect parents and children in alternative family structures. Until then, I continue to advise lesbian and gay couples to seek legal advice before they start the process of creating a family. The legal relationships that you intend on creating are not always possible unless you do things in a certain way compliant with existing albeit outdated, law.

It is devastating to discover that you are not the legal parent once the child is born. For the sperm donor, finding yourself as a legal father when the opposite was intended, leads to obligations both financial and parental. Get legal advice before you start the process. The last thing you want to do when the child is born is start litigation.

Best regards

Harjit Sarang

Same Sex Parenting
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Posted:
November 21, 2012
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Surrogacy

Surrogacy

I am seeing an increase in couples enquiring about surrogacy instead of adoption.   Some say that the adoption process needs to be simplified to address this.  However, I suggest that when you are dealing with a child who is not with his/her natural parents for whatever reason, the worst thing for that child would be for there to be a second break from a family unit.

The adoptive parents must best meet the needs of the child available for adoption.  Only a vigorous assessment process can determine that.  I have long been uncomfortable with the notion that couples who are unable to conceive would be the best adoptive parents.  I would be interested to know how many couples who cannot conceive naturally choose to adopt instead of going through a surrogacy arrangement.  If there is a possibility that at least one of you is biologically connected to the child and you will have the child from birth, that would tend to be the preferred option.  In my view adoption takes a certain kind of soul that is not necessarily that of a person who cannot conceive.

As a family law solicitor advising on surrogacy in the UK and surrogacy abroad, I strongly advise all clients to do as much research as possible before they begin the process.  An essential part of that research must be to get legal advice.  Your solicitor will advise you of all requirements and the process to adhere to in order to become legal parents.   Until you secure a Parental Order in the UK, the surrogate will always be the legal mother in this jurisdiction because she gave birth to the child.  Depending on where the child is born, you will need advice on how to make sure that you are both recognised as legal parents and how to secure the child’s entry into the UK.  You should also seek legal advice from a solicitor in the country where the surrogate resides / where the child will be born.

If you are going to a surrogacy clinic abroad, you should research the clinic and ask to meet other parents who may have used the clinic previously.  Ideally other couples from the UK.  Any clinic that refuses to discuss their procedures or give references should be avoided.  Certainly, clinics that do not allow you to meet or speak to the surrogate should be avoided.  You should satisfy yourself that the surrogate is not being exploited and that she fully understands the process.  Counselling and legal advice should be available for her from professionals who speak her language.  You should enquire about fees payable not only to the clinic but also fees payable to the surrogate.  Try to satisfy yourselves that the fee is reasonable especially in countries where there is a risk of exploitation.

I personally have experience of surrogacy in India and can offer legal and general advice on the process.  I can also put you in contact with other couples who have used clinics in India who are willing to share their experiences with you.

The worst case scenario is going through a surrogacy process and then being told that you cannot be legal parents of the child particularly if the surrogacy takes place abroad.

Rest assured that if done properly with legal advice from beginning to end, surrogacy is an ideal way to create a family if you are unable to conceive naturally.

Best regards,

Harjit Sarang

Family Law Blog General Same Sex Parenting Surrogacy
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Posted:
November 16, 2012
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Shall I move away to stop my ex seeing our child?

Hi there

Thank you for the question. You tell me that contact between your daughter and her father is not working and you want to move location to get away from him.

You need to decide whether contact is in the best interests of your daughter. She has the right to maintain a relationship with both parents unless doing so will put her at risk of harm. I’m not sure why contact isn’t working but you could try mediation services to discuss the problem with him. If you try to find a way of communicating the problem to him including via a lawyers letter, it may encourage him to reconsider his actions and improve the contact. Do let him know how his behaviour is impacting on your daughter and also suggest ways in which it can be improved. Your daughter will then benefit from a relationship with both of you if there are no risks of harm.

If at any time you are fearful and / or at risk of serious harm, please alert the police and think about injunction proceedings. It is difficult to give specific advice without knowing more about why you feel contact is not working.

If you were not married, if your ex is not on the birth certificate and if your child was born before 1st December 2003, it may be that he does not have parental responsibility for her. Parental responsibility is a bundle of rights and duties in respect of the child. Essentially, the right to be involved in her life and the important decision making such as where she should live. It is a criminal offence for one parent to remove a child out of the jurisdiction without the consent of the other parent with parental responsibility unless there is a residence order in place that allows removal for up to a month without consent. If he does not have parental responsibility, there is nothing preventing you from relocating abroad. You do not need his consent to move within the jurisdiction. Please note that he may apply to the court for an order to stop you moving or, for you to return with your daughter.

Parental responsibility is not difficult to obtain and it may be granted to your ex fairly swiftly by applying to the court. Your ex may also make an application for contact with your daughter. Most importantly, you cannot hide from government authorities. Even if your ex does not have an up to date address for you, he may still apply to the court for a contact order and parental responsibility. The court will contact government agencies for an address and serve you with the application accordingly. Your address will not be disclosed to your ex however, the court will retain it and order you to deal with the contact issue.

Moving away is tempting but it may not be the answer. Do not hesitate to contact your family law solicitor for specific advice.

I hope that helps ;)

Best regards, Harjit Sarang

Contact Family Law Blog Residence Order
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Posted:
September 11, 2012
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Oprah Winfrey Twitter equal marriage support

Family Law Blog Twitter equal marriage campaign
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Posted:
September 10, 2012
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Divorce season

When I say that divorce is seasonal, quite often this is met with surprise.  Over the past 3 years at BEST we have noticed a clear peak in new client enquiries for divorce in January (busiest), September and May.  It is not a coincidence that these months immediately follow holiday weeks for Christmas, summer and Easter.  We are now seeing purchases for our Divorce Vouchers as gifts for friends or family members who could do with some advice about their marital situation.

Holidays should bring families together but if there are already issues within a marriage, they are highlighted when you spend long periods with each other.    On a day to day level, you are pre occupied with work, chores and childcare and probably trying to avoid spending too much time together.

I recently met with Jessica Valentine, Chartered Psychologist (St Albans Wellness centre).  It is frightening how many couples are on autopilot.  Both are avoiding issues and things to bottle up.  The obvious results when they are in a situation where they cannot avoid one another, is that they are overwhelmed and explode.  Next step – divorce lawyers.     Of course, not all issues can be addressed and sometimes so many issues have built up that the prospect of trying to resolve them is too painful.

I see many clients in this situation and wonder how different things may be if the issues were addressed with a third party earlier on.  Relationship counselling is underestimated.  I ran through a few ‘breakdown’ scenarios with Jessica and was surprised at how easily those issues are dealt with.  The first step being to address why the issues are occurring in the first place and then advising on how to deal with the effect of the issues.  For the counselling to work there must be frankness and a commitment to making amends.

I would like to see more people attend relationship counselling rather than leaving issues unresolved or allowing them to build up.  Sometimes, all it takes is one session to change your perspective on something that would otherwise be the reason for your marriage breakdown.  A marriage has to be worth an hour with a counsellor.

Best regards

Harjit Sarang

Divorce
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Posted:
July 20, 2012
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Divorce and family law

The most common questions about divorce answered:

Do I get an automatic divorce after 2 / 5years?

NO. You will still need to file a petition, pay a fee and do exactly what you would do if you were divorcing straight away based on adultery or behaviour.  The cost is the same and the procedure is the same.   If your spouse gives consent, you can divorce him/her based on the fact that you have been living separately and apart for two years.  If your spouse will not consent, you can wait until you have been separated for 5 years and issue a petition without their consent.

The risk of waiting 2 or 5 years is that your financial obligations to one another remain until you are divorced.  Do also take advice from your accountant because the tax rules depend on when you separated so you may lose capital gains tax exemptions.

Finally, most couples simply want closure as soon as possible and do not like the idea of revisiting the breakdown of marriage after 2 years and certainly not after 5 years.  A behaviour petition is the most common.  It can be done by agreement and the spouse can always deny allegations but still allow the petition to proceed.

What if my spouse does not reply to the divorce petition?

If you know that your spouse has got the divorce petition and he/she is deliberately choosing not to reply, you may consider applying to the court for an order that the petition be deemed served upon him/her.  If you can prove that he/she has the petition, this order will be granted.  Armed with this order, you may then apply for Decree nisi and no further input will be required from your spouse – easy!

I don’t know where my spouse lives, can I still divorce him/her?

You may apply to the court to dispense with service of the petition.  You will need to prove that you have done everything you can to find him/her.  This will include contacting relatives, old friends, using Facebook, old employers etc.  You will need to file an affidavit going in to detail about your efforts and you may even need to put an advert in the local paper in the place where he/she last lived.  If the court is satisfied that you have done enough, permission will be granted and you may proceed with the divorce.

My spouse has torn the papers and refuses to sign them.

There is nothing better that receiving a text message from the spouse confirming that they will not sign the papers and to boot, providing a photo of the torn papers.  This is perfect from an evidential point of view.  You simply forward the text and photo to be attached to your affidavit and apply for deemed service as explained in my answer to question one above – bingo!

Best regards

Harjit Sarang

 

Divorce
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Posted:
June 28, 2012
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The fight for equality

How can we sit on the fence whilst a section of society is being discriminated against? Over the past month or so, I have tried to get support for equal marriage. That is, the right for same sex couples to get married, rather than register a civil partnership. My approach has been to target ‘profile’ people to raise awareness by sharing their views on the subject with their ‘followers’. They will be able to influence those who have no opinion (or those who have the ‘wrong’ opinion!). I have had some great responses on my twitter account but more often than not, I have had many ‘non’ responses. What is disappointing to note is how many people are afraid to give their opinion fearing a loss of popularity. Personally, I do not want friends and followers who do not support equal marriage. Why would I? We would be so far apart on such a fundamental issue. In a few years, we will look back on this issue and be ashamed that the discrimination went on for so long. If you have an opinion please speak up. If you have no opinion, wise up. If someone has ever refused you something solely based on your sex, gender, race or sexual orientation, you will understand.
Best regards

Harjit Sarang

General
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Posted:
June 28, 2012
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Family Law advice about children

Last weekend my other half wanted to take the kids away for the weekend whilst I had a ‘jolly’ at Ascot. I’ve never been apart from my boys for more than a night before (believe it or not!) and I found myself being most unreasonable and essentially trying to control their activities that weekend. So what advice would I have given my client? Time and time again, I say the same thing. “You must allow your partner to do as he/she wishes with the children, you cannot control their time, they should be encouraged to find their own way to be. You may have concerns but ultimately it’s about trust. You must trust him/her to look after your children and enjoy uninterrupted time. That is how he/she will develop their own relationship with the children. You should not try to control what they do or where they go. It’s ok to voice concerns and give advice but when reassurances are given, listen to them”. Well I took my own advice and only managed to phone 3 times over the weekend for goodnights and good mornings. The kids had a great weekend, ate rubbish, stayed up late (ooops)…….but had a blast! Next time, I won’t give it a second thought.

Best regards
Harjit Sarang

General
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Posted:
March 12, 2012
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Enough of this discrimination

I’m fed up with these religious leaders rattling on about why the definition of marriage should not be amended.   “We’re here, we’re queer get used to us!” 

When the Civil Partnerships legislation was first introduced there were celebrations.  My thoughts then are my thoughts now.  If it is a move to create equality, why separate legislation?  My view is that the definition of marriage needs to be amended and that’s it.

Aside from having separate legislation, there are provisions that have been excluded in the CP Act such as the right to petition for dissolution (divorce) based on adultery.   The excuse given upon protestations back then was that the drafters could not think of an appropriate definition of adultery for same sex couples and secondly, to plead adultery is regressive and contrary to the ‘no fault’ divorce thinking.   There was so much excitement about being given ‘the gift’ of legal recognition that it was all accepted with celebrations and gratitude galore.   I don’t accept that a definition for adultery cannot be changed just as I don’t accept that the definition of marriage cannot be changed.  If adultery is regressive for same sex couples, it is regressive for heterosexual couples.   We don’t want different treatment, we want THE SAME treatment.  For me, this is like dealing with racism. Would we contemplate separate legislation for different races?  That’s all. 

Best regards,

Harjit Sarang

General
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