June 2010 - bestsolicitorsllp.co.uk | bestsolicitorsllp.co.uk

Our son is living with his mother and has been expelled from school 3 times due to his behaviour. My ex can’t control him yet she won’t let him move in with me. What can I do?

You must be given credit for putting your son first. You have tried to make a sensible suggestion to address the issue and it has been rejected. The way forward would be to invite mother to mediation to try and reach an agreement or failing that, apply to the court for an order that your son live with you. A Residence Order. Importantly, part of the court process is to investigate what the current problem is and how it can best be addressed to make life better for your son. What do the schools say? If it is the case that he is misbehaving as a direct result of mother’s parenting then, you stand a good chance of succeeding because the court will make whichever order is necessary to safeguard your son’s best interests. It may be that mother needs parenting assistance in which case that will be explored in the court arena. If mother can turn things around with assistance, would that be preferable than a change of residence? Just a thought. If it is the case that mother is neglecting your son, then residence to you is probably the best option. It would be interesting to know what your son’s opinion of all of this is considering his age and understanding. Best regards

Residence Order

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Ex’s new wife doesn’t like our 5yr old daughter because she doesn’t treat her like an adult! Ex now wants infrequent contact with our daughter at my house. Am I breaking the law if I say no?

If you believe that contact is in your daughter’s best interests, your obligation is to facilitate it. That means, making your daughter available for the session. This obligation does not extend to providing accommodation. Can’t he take her out for a few hours? There are plenty of things to do with a 5 yr old. As contact is so infrequent, a few hours out somewhere nice will make her feel special.

With regards to the quality of contact, it is sad that father is not seeing her more frequently and needs to be encouraged to maintain the relationship. Life may be tricky with a new wife and newborn but the reasons given by him seem like silly excuses. If his new wife does not want your daughter in her house, this may lead to bigger problems for him in the future. It is incredible that the new wife does not like your 5 yr old because she does not treat her like an adult. It reminds me of a lady who saw fit to tell me off on an aircraft because my 9 month old was crying. When she stood up, I saw that she must have been at least 7 months pregnant!

It sounds to me like you are doing your best to keep father in your daughter’s life and that is great. However, if he wanted to maintain contact with his daughter he would be forthright and do so.

Ultimately, if father does not want to see his daughter more than once every few months and is now making silly excuses about her being in his new home, perhaps it’s not worth encouraging him. The worst case scenario is a resentful father having contact with his daughter. That may not be much fun for her.

You are not breaking the law by not allowing contact in your home.

Best regards

Harjit